Fall Out Boy Aren’t Really A Band - More Of A Mental Disorder

This is Fall Out Boy. They are all the rage with all of the young emos these days. I've been asked by my readers why I dislike the band. Well the truth is I don't. I think they are hilarious. Look at the picture below for Gods sake.

They are serious musicians. Now for a little background on the band in case you are wondering who they are. Fall Out Boy originated from a *** store in Chicago and were founded by bassist and part-time transvestite Peter Wentz. Peter, like all red blooded males enjoys sexual experimentation. One night when he was closing up the store he decided to "slip one into" a dummy in the store front. This was his fatal mistake for little did he know that his boss was watching him from behind a display cabinet. He was dismissed immediately.

After this somewhat embarrassing incident, Peter became increasingly bitter towards the world, eventually deciding to form the band. He chose the name Fall Out Boy not in reference to the Simpsons character but as a quiet nod to his risque encounter with the dummy back in the *** shop.

Recruiting the members was pretty easy, he simply cruised around a red-light-district in Chicago, picking up only the seediest looking members on the sidewalk.

None of his new recruits could play their instruments which wasn't much of a problem considering 99% of the bands target market are either deaf or women.

Since then, Peter has spent too long trying to cut himself with everything from toothbrushes to soda cans and not long enough on writing songs. But his fan's don't care. Most of them would love it if he just stood there for an hour and a half smashing his guitar off his head until it was in matchsticks. In fact if you've listened to 'Infinity on High' at all you'll have realized that the band have used this technique to record all of their songs.

Now I don't mind Fall Out Boy's material. It's kinda cute. I just don't like all of this self harm business that goes along with it.. Peter's in danger of taking this too far and setting fire to his testicles in public or something. This is the last thing we need as a God fearing nation. Can you imagine Fall Out Boy fans across the country trying to replicate this act? Aren't the fire department busy enough these days? I really don't wanna see anyone getting hurt.

And that's the problem with the whole emo scene. It will all end in disaster. Some poor boy will drive his bike into the river in bondage gear, deliberately weighed down by alienation, boredom and despair.

It's probably best that all Fall Out Boy fans are referred immediately to psychiatrists who, God-willing, will prescribe them all enough Prozac to kill an African elephant. Acknowledging that Fall Out Boy are a serious symptom of an underlying mental illness is the first step into securing the future of Generation Y. Otherwise it will gouge, burn and slit itself until there's nothing left but Meatloaf.