started this a while back, and just wanted to know what u guys thought. and i know some of the names are REALLLLLYYYY chesey, mostly Darth Viper. anyway, comment please.

In the new democratic standpoint of the republic, in the inner system, it seemed that the only problem was the minor uprisings of planets still under the influence of the empire, and the remnants of the crippled imperial fleet. But in the out skirts of the star wars galaxy, a small system of planets lies, untouched by Courasant or any of the outer rim planets. This system was named Sentosia, inhabited by a diverse population of creatures seeming to be half human, half animal. At one point a small Sith fleet had hidden some of its knowledge on the planet, and taught a secluded mountain temple the ways of the Sith. As the planet finally make contact with the inner rim, the small group of Sith, knowing that the Jedi council was the sworn enemy of the very thing they stood for, began  to prepare for their assault on the galaxy’s greatest piece of hope. A young boy by the name of Will, who has a somewhat personal grudge with the council after they abandoned the planet to a pirate invasion and losing his parents, swore to destroy republic and everything it stood for. He is the hero, or rather the villain of the story. Kinda depends on your point of view…

            &nb sp;   The Sentosian sun rose in the early morning. Will looked to the top of the stairs, where the ancient Sith temple sat, in the shadow of Mt. Auro. It seemed so fitting that the place of training of the dark arts of the Sith should usually be cast in shadow. Music chimed in Will’s ear, as it usually did. Of course he packed light, being poor, and having almost nothing after the pirate raid. Suddenly an explosion shook the ground. “Geeze, looks like these people know how to party…” Will flinched as he saw rubble shoot into the air. `Looks like a cat fight on steroids’ Will thought to himself. He sighed, turned up his music, and headed up the stairs.

            &nb sp;   Darth Viper sat in her throne deep within Mt. Auro. She was deep in her meditation, pondering the outcome of her pupils. Seven of them were ready to become Sith masters, and another 10 young ones waiting for a master. The Jedi were so foolish, not allowing anyone over the age of 13 to join their cause. The young ones were so easy to corrupt, filled with hopes and passions the Jedi tried to take away. The ground shook again, and small pieces of the cave ceiling fell. `It seems that Val and Cora were in another fight.’ Most would say it’s unhealthy to let the apprentices fight, but the fighting was the way to divide the weak from the strong. Suddenly an unfamiliar presence appeared at the edge of Darth Viper’s radius. Her eyes opened, for this presence was powerful. `Val! Quit fooling around with Cora and go to front gate, we have a most curious quest.

            &nb sp;   Will approached the front gate, a tall wall of stone on hinges, allowing it to swing out, but not in. he stared at it, wondering how he was going to get in, when a voice rang out in the early morning. “You! State your business, the place is sacred to the Sith, no riffraff allowed.” Will looked up to see a figure standing atop the gate. The sun was to the persons back, casting her features in shadow. “I’ve come to seek a Master to teach me the ways of the Sith.” Will called to the figure. It laughed at his answer, before saying “Alright boy, I’ll humor you. I will get my master. Just wait her for your answer of denial.”

            &nb sp;   Val returned to her Master, like she had told the boy at the gate. Darth Viper looked up when she entered. “Well, who was it at the gate?” she asked Val. “Common riffraff my Master. A simple boy, asking for an apprenticeship.” Val explained. Her master smiled, her tongue flickered out of her mouth in anticipation. “Val, let’s give this boy a chance. Tell Delin to meet me at the front gate.” Val was taken aback by her Master’s response. “Master, but this boy is but a common peasant! He could never become a Sith!” she exclaimed. Darth Vipers tail flicked in annoyance, “Val, don’t forget your place. You were no more than he was when you came here. Don’t forget that.” Val crouched on her knee in respect. “Forgive me Master. I will go tell Delin, as you requested.” She said. “Your level of formality is unneeded, but go.” Darth viper stood, and began to walk towards the tunnel leading to the front gate, the presence growing steadily stronger.

            &nb sp;   Will sat at the base of the wall, his back to the cold hard stone, listening to his music, as usual. Even though distracted by the music, he was perfectly in sync with the rest of his environment. So when he saw the crouching shadow on the wall, he immediately rolled sideways, narrowly avoiding a set of claws aiming for his neck. Before him stood a dark panther of a girl, crouched upon the ground, leering at him. She wore a hood that covered the top-most part of her face in shadow, except for her yellow, piercing eyes. She wore a strange set of clothing, a ceremonial Sith robe bottom, and a vest buttoned only at the middle and the one above it. Her muscles tightened as she prepared to pounce again. Will automatically slid into a fighting stance, and prepared for the fight of his life.

and by the way, thats not even the first chapter.

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