i will be starting school soon,.At the moment im feeling lost. that's the best way i could describe it. so many things have happened this summer that i feel alot of anger and sadness because of it. Around May my father said some things that hurt...alot. For the past three years my step mother has been tormenting me and after all those three long years i finally told my bro about it who is already graduated,has a job and married. my sis in law reacted and told my father. i feared telling him because of the kind of person he is. my father has been temporarly "confined" for hurting my mom physically and he lied about it telling me it was my mom tricking him into jail. He's the kind of guy who wants you to think he's a good person, he tries to make you feel sorry for him then the moment you do he manipulates you by hurting someone else and then eventually comes back and hurts you. Even when i wanted him around he wouldnt be a real dad for me. He probably wasnt any better with my brother either. My own father even tried to get me and my brother to hate eachother by manipulating my bro with fear. fortunatly my bro over come that for my sake ,but that only makes me hate my father even more and i hate myself for hating him. I shouldnt have to hate my own flesh and blood and i will never know what it's like to have a real,loving and caring father. Im sure you still wondering "well if your sure you hate him then why feel so lost?" I'll tell you why. The things that my Father said werent the best things to hear from you own parent "Maybe i shouldnt have had kids in the first place.","I HAD ENOUGH...BITCH!!!", and the rest of the things he said were incredibly sexist and he said those things to me....calling me a fucking ***** what kind of a father is that? That was the moment i left him and havent spoken to him since...Now i live with my mom and i should be happy right? but for some reason i havent felt very happy there. it wasnt her,it wasnt the place i guess i cant help but be sad. now i have to go to a diffrent school and not see my friend any more and i've never been to a diffrent school and it's supposed to be bigger. Also I cant take my cats to the home that my mom lives in. She's a school councilor but not at the school im going to and now that i live with her it's harder for her to take care of herself and me. its harder for her to afford things and is hurting because of it but she seems to be happy that im there though. but it makes me feel guilty and sad. a week ago i spoke to my step mother for once in all the time i knew her,we had an ok conversation. for some weird ass reason and i dont know what the hell was wrong with me but i ended up asking her to visit them on the weekends. she said yes to it but she's not going to be there that weekend and now im going to go back to that place and be stuck alone with the father that i havent spoken to in three months...im scared of what might happen he's capable of murder..i dont know what to do. i dont want to call them back and i still need to get my things from their house.......give me your opinion, what would you do or could you give me some advice just something..

Tags: Sad Depressed Confused Bewildered Angry Lost

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