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    A tiring and boring day passes and the night comes, just the end of another day in my boring life... or maybe not...

    I'm at home, alone. It's almost midnight and I have nothing to do. Sleep won't make me any good, cause I'm not tired or sleepy, and I'm afraid of what will leave my mind to threaten my eyes if I fall asleep. But otherwise, darkness covers all my room and not even the light of a full moon will be able to enlight it. If I keep awake, figures will apear in the darkness and voices coming from nowhere will tell me I must die... and I'm afraid of it... cause I'll belive them.

    Now I have only two choices, suffer or die. And even knowing that none of it is true, I belive in all of it. Even knowing I'm not okay and that it must be helped, I refuse to admit that I need any help... and all of this is burning me alive inside, corroding and devasting my sanity.

    I think about it for a second, but I have to be fast, I have to decide it before everything happen. But a slight spot of light appears in the darkness of my mind in the shape of an idea: what if I ask a savior for help?... someone that can repel gloom and illusions... I think I know who it is... though I don't know if this savior will help me.

   I try calling her... she shall enlight my path to peace...

   She picks up. I tell her everything, and she just say she has to talk to me. My savior reaches my house's door and I tell her to enter. I don't move. When she enters the room it's alrady too late, everything has started and the voices are already telling me I must die.

    All I can do is tell her, and I do so. I tell her she must leave me die, alone. She doesn't understand at all... why would a normal guy like me wish for death like that? She comes closer and says I'm wrong, and that she can show me the way to happiness. I can't refuse. Then I just agree with her. She grabs my hand and helps me up.

    I stare at her and the darkness leave me... I feel lighter. I don't know if that's good or not... I feel kinda hollow, empty. The murk had taken place of everything within me, and now there's nothing else there. I tell her so and she hugs me. Some warm feeling fulfills the gap inside of me and I suddenly forget all the gloom and darkness.Time passes and she has to go....

    Some minutes later the warm feeling starts to fade, going away. I'm all hollow again. Then darkness tries to fulfill the empty void. I let it enter and everything starts again. This time stronger... now the murk tells me I'm not mad. It's all real. The warm feeling is the only illusion. It's just my mortal's mind blocking reality to make me see, feel and think just what I want to.

    I gotta agree with that. I can't accept me as I am. I'm proud to say I'm weird, but it's just a way to disguise my mistakes and the fact that being normal is painfully hard to me. I can't accept my true self and I know this "shadow" will follow me everywhere I go until I accept it, but I'm not enough brave to do it. So that darkness was right... I'd better die now...

Topics: Die
potter
Quote:Originally posted by: CPstar32Are you afraid of the future? So am I. I'd rather suffer than die, because death frightens me.Actually it's not exactly that what i meant... i dont wanna die (and thats not a true story, its juz expressing how im right now)... i just think that death and suffering...
  • February 7, 2011
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